Love & Duty - Walk together

Love & Duty - Walk together

Is parents’ love truly selfless?

Love that silently expects is not selfless.

When love gives, duty returns.

But when love controls, duty turns into guilt.

Love and duty walk together—but not always in the same direction.

The age old understanding

Of all the love in this world, Parent’s Love is considered as the most selfless. And many times it is true, when looked at from the emotional perspective.

But is love only an emotion? 

Emotions keep fluctuating. Sometimes, we feel happy, sometimes sad, sometimes we feel angry, sometimes peace. So does Love also fluctuate like all other emotions?

If not, then what is love truly?

Love is not an emotion

Love is often misunderstood because it is always looked at from the lens of emotion.

But love is not an emotion. Emotion is what gets evoked when someone truly loves.

1. Love is acceptance without any conditions.

It is not just emotional expression or social display. It means allowing the other person to be what they are, without expecting them to fit our image. Not trying to change them.

2. Love is selfless because it is about giving - not expecting

Love believes in giving only. Give not because I like, but because the one I love, needs it. And I don’t expect anything in return from them. Even if they don’t accept my offering I am happy and still love them.

3. Love is a conscious choice, not a fleeting emotion

When you accept someone with all their flaws, and keep giving to make them happy, without expecting anything in return, that is a conscious choice. That is not the power of any emotion. That is your subconscious telling you to stay with them whether they choose you or not.

So is Parent’s Love selfless?

Now, that we have established what Love truly is, let’s understand Parent’s Love through these definitions.

Let’s begin with a simple truth: The child never asked to be born.

It was the parents’ choice—whether out of love, pressure, or pleasure. From that point on, the responsibility of care lies entirely with the parents.

So parenting is not a favour or obligation but a responsibility.

Are Parents truly accepting of their children’s choices?

Parents provide for the child by way of food, shelter and an environment for growth. But this subtly builds an expectation in most parents that now the child should listen to and obey them.

And, if the child chooses differently—another path, another way of thinking—it’s seen as rebellion or disrespect.

“We didn’t raise you to be like this.”
“What will people say?”

This isn’t acceptance. This is emotional conformity demanded in the name of love.

Parents give a lot, but do they really not expect?

Raising a child is not easy. Parenting is tough. And parents do make a lot of sacrifices to provide a good life for the children.

But in doing so, somewhere there is a subtle expectation, that the child will do exactly what the parents expect.

“We did so much for you.”
“At least think of us before you make such decisions.”

There is nothing wrong with having expectation, just that it does not fit the true definition of Love!

Is parent’s love a conscious choice or a societal obligation?

Parents often hide their disagreement or disappointment to avoid societal embarrassment, especially when the children do not adhere to their definition of a good child.

In many families, love becomes volatile:

• Silent treatment during disagreement.
• Emotional withdrawal when expectations aren’t met.
• Resentment masked as sacrifice.

Love as a choice means holding someone gently even when they disappoint you. Not because, “what will the society think of us?” but because becoming parents is a choice we made.

Analogy to simplify

Let’s try to understand the above points through a simple example.

A farmer plants seeds, nurtures the field, and protects the crop. For this he has to sacrifice a lot because it’s a demanding job—but it was his choice. And hence it is his responsibility to take care of the farm and protect the crop. But, when the crop doesn’t grow as expected, he adapts. He doesn’t get upset with the plant.

Likewise, parenting is a responsibility, a choice. It is not a favour or obligation. When it becomes about identity and control, love becomes attachment.

As a parent, I experienced all these myself when interacting with my child. And at the same time, I could also relate to the burden of expectation from my parents. This made me think, are parents always wrong?

So are Parents always wrong?

Most parents don’t act out of ill-will, infact it is out of utmost care and concern for the children.

Their outlook is conditioned by how generationally parenting has been. They were taught that love means worry, control, and sacrifice.
Often times we confuse guilt and guidance as the same. And hence when parents put their children in guilt through emotional dialogue, they believe they are guiding the child.

But if we don’t pause to reflect, we’ll pass down the same bondage wrapped in the name of love.

Care and concern cannot nurture possessiveness. 

Generational conditioning, can be broken only if we truly understand what love is and what our role is.

True guidance comes through rational discussion, not emotional dialogue.

So do Children have no obligation?

Children have a duty. And duty does not arise out of obligation.

When someone loves you truly, it is your duty to not just acknowledge this love, but respond with affection.

As small kids it will be obviously difficult to understand this. But as we grow and learn to deal with people and relations, it becomes our duty to also understand our relationship with our parents.

When parents accept you without any conditions, it is our duty to be open to their acceptance.

When parents give without expecting, it is our duty not just to receive with humility but also to give back at the right time.

When parents accept your choice despite their own disagreement, it is our duty to ensure that we don’t let that disagreement turn into disappointment.

In conclusion

The topic is sensitive, and hence demands extreme care and maturity to look at this from a completely neutral perspective.

The intention here is not to blame, but to bring clarity to our roles as parents, and also to understand our duty as children.

So, let us unlearn, what we have inherited unconsciously.

Let us not reject love—but purify it.
Let us live with love and pass it on to the next generation:
Love that gives. Love that frees. Love that doesn’t need a return.